2017 DL HB

The Degenerate League Presents: Football for Lowlifes: Part XI
2017 Degenerate League Handbook
Back to the Minors

What follows is a series of rules and regulations to ensure we all have the best possible time making (and losing) fake bets to make (and lose) each other’s money. Most of the rules are the same, but there are a few tweaks (and new jokes) that had to be made. We don’t want anyone getting butthurt about perceived injustices, so we created this so you know what you’re getting into and what’s expected of you. You can always take solace in the fact that we don’t charge you bookie fees. Now read on to find out what rules the DL neophytes will unknowingly break this year*. [*Denotes an author’s note. This first one is as follows: Fucking noobs.] I don’t know about y’all, but I am feeling unhealthily excited. 

Image result for tom brady lets go gif

On to the rules.

1. Don’t be a dick.

This has been and ever shall be the most important of the rules. We are all friends, or at least friends of friends, so don’t be the asshole that takes something too far and makes everyone hate you. Feel free to talk shit on the website, bemoan a bad beat or someone’s bullshit win, and engage in all the Doran mockery you wish, but just don’t be a dick. Mainly I mean don’t take shit too seriously and meat out (like Doran). Doran isn’t in the league any more, but Doran jokes will remain forever.

 

We want to add that someone who is winning weeks betting a way you don’t like isn’t necessarily being a dick. If you think someone has found an advantage, feel free to emulate it. We decided early on that we would book bets Vegas would book, so if someone has found a way to beat Vegas, copy away.

One final note, if Shawn goes on a tirade, he’s most likely not being a dick because it won’t be serious. If you took it too seriously and got all pissy, you’d be being the dick for not having a sense of humor.

2. Payment

For the 2017 season, it is $100 for the season and $25/week for the 12-week season, which takes us through nearly all of the NCAA regular season. We stop just short because Thanksgiving week is a real bear to get everyone to turn shit in and have us good-for-nothing, lazy admins get shit done.

These need to be sent via Paypal to jcarr888@yahoo.com. I better reiterate this.

All payments and payouts will go to jcarr888@yahoo.com. Before the season and before the week, send your money there.

If you don’t have a Paypal account, get your fucking shit together. It’s 2016 for fuck’s sake. Register for one, then link it with your bank account so there are no fees. If you’re too lazy to take 30 seconds to link it to your bank account, you are responsible for the fees, because I sure as fuck know the Feez ain’t gonna be responsible for your fees. Does this asshole look like he can handle that shit? Feez can’t pay fees or he can’t afford Strawbs (thanks for reminding me of this, Lennon).

Feez

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The $100 has to be paid up front as a means of ensuring you don’t just quit the league after you suck balls for a few weeks. If you decide to quit, then you forfeit that $100 and have no chance of winning anything. Your $25 is also due before your weekly picks. Cowboy Carr has allowed us to circumvent the prospect of bums, so we don’t have to worry about this. Bottom line is, if you want in the league, it’s $100, and if you want a chance to win a week, it’s $25. If you miss a week, you can just go -$1,000 for the week (tying Feser and Bogus, co-founders and co-bottom feeders) and get back in the next week. But don’t do this. If you do this twice, you’ll just be out of the league.

You can also pay for the season up front. It may seem a bit daunting, but everyone gets in the money throughout the year (except for Bogus in 2013, a low I don’t think he will ever live down* [Thank the lord I won that sweet, sweet $40 that year.]), with some people making a decent amount and some losing a bit. We’re also adding an element to the league to give people an additional opportunity to win based on being consistent, which will be discussed in the below.

3. The Trash Bin

This year, if you finish a week at -$1,000, you owe an additional $20 the next week. This money will be paid out in some form, and I’ll be asking you, fellow degenerates, where we want to put it. This money is to be paid the next week, lest you forfeit your $100 and are never allowed back in the DL.

4. Available odds

A league week runs Thursday – Monday. This covers the good Thursday CFB game and MNF. (This league includes college and professional football lines.) Tuesday and Wednesday are administrative and settling up days – besides, if there are Tuesday and Wednesday games they usually blow (good luck guessing what will happen in the fucking MAC). We’ll have most all the odds for these games. This year, they’ll just be in the pick sheet we send out each week, though we’ll try to put them on the website, too.

5. Making picks

You will make hypothetical bets based on the odds in our pick sheet. Once you are comfortable with your shitty picks, you will email them as an attachment to degenerateleague@gmail.com. This email with your picks needs to be sent by Thursday at 5:00 pm if you want to bet the Thursday game. If you do not have action on the Thursday game, picks are due Friday at 1:00. Put this on your calendar. If you know you won’t be able to do it Thursday, get them in earlier. (We do reserve the right to extend this period with certain caveats.) This gives us time to update the website so everyone knows what’s going on. If your picks aren’t in on time, we reserve the right to refuse them, meaning you lose $1,000 for the week, plus the $25 you paid. The simple answer is to just get your picks in on time. I will be sending frequent reminders, so this shouldn’t be a problem. If you do forget one week, it’s okay, but don’t be a dick (rule numero uno assholes) and complain to us. You have received an incredible amount of warning.

Here are the parameters of possible hypothetical bets:

  • You will bet a hypothetical $1,000 per week, with a minimum bet of $50, maximum of $150. You math whizzes have probably figured out that this means you will make a minimum of 7 bets and a maximum of 20. Bogus was kind enough to make your spreadsheet inform you if you have incorrectly placed a bet and also inform you when you have reached $1,000 in bets.
  • Whereas in the past we would put odds on the website and expect everyone to go there, pick their favorites, and enter them correctly, this year we are taking that responsibility out of your hands. Because it was too fucking much for you jokers. Scanning the pick sheets for the inevitable fuckups was exhausting and soul crushing. So this year we will be sending a new pick sheet each week. That sheet will have everything already set for you. All you need to do is the following (I’ve added an image so you can see exactly what I’m talking about):
    • a. Choose the sport, NFL or CFB, using the drop-down menu in the far-left column (SPORT).
      b. Pick your game from the drop-down menu under the GAME column (you may have to scroll up on the drop-down to find them).
      c. Pick the type of play from the drop-down menu in the PLAY column (at this point it auto-populates your line and the odds)
      d. Enter your risk in the RISK column.
    • 2014 Sheet grab

 

And that’s it. Choose the SPORT, the GAME, the PLAY, the RISK, and you’re set. You can still type a “W” in the GRADE column to see what a bet pays. That shit even works for parlays. Every year Bogus has flicked his Excel wand and made magic happen, and this is the most intriguing advancement yet.

You’re welcome, asshats. Who would have guessed this D bag was a wizard?

Confused Bogus

D Bag Bogus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In addition to magic to make your life easier, we’ll also have grading mostly automated, meaning results will be much quicker this year. The only downfall to these technological advancements is that we will no longer be allowing teasers and props. They just won’t work with this system, and they’re a fool’s errand anyway.

So, to summarize making picks: It’s now super easy, and no teasers are allowed.

 

6. Payouts

Finalized by Wednesday

Season
1st $900
2nd $700
3rd $500
4th $300
5th $200
Weekly
1st $225
2nd $175
3rd $125
4th $75
5th $50
7. Ties

I don’t think we’ve ever had one that mattered, but since I typed all this sweet stuff last year, I’ll throw it down again.

  • In the event of a tie, the first bet off of each player’s sheet will be used as a tiebreaker. Whoever did better on the first bet of the sheet wins the tiebreaker. If that is a tie, the second, and so on.
  • In the event that all of the bets are exactly the same we will go to season total, with the leader winning the tie break. If it happens in week one or if the season totals are the same, we will put on a steel cage death match, during which the rest of our league degenerates can place bets on who dies and drink Grain Belts, making for much merriment. JK guys, we won’t have death matches. If every fucking bet has the same result we’ll flip a coin or something. I changed the maximum bet to $150 to ensure more variance in bets, so I don’t foresee a problem here.
  • But since this is the handbook, if all the bets have the same result, in order, with the same season total, we will have another tiebreaker, agreed on by both parties, that is random.
  • For season ties (which I have to believe won’t happen, but you never know), we will go back to the first bet of week one and work through the whole year. If your bets for the whole season were the same, the world will probably end (but we’ll still do something random as a tiebreak).

The tie breakout for the points system is different and separate from those mentioned above. For the sake of the spreadsheet being able to calculate it easily, ties will split the total points for their places. So if there are 30 guys, and 3 bros tie for second, the average of 29, 28, and 27 (2nd, 3rd, and 4th place point totals, respectively) will be given to each. So in this case, each guy would get 28 (plus 5 for 33, if they’re positive).

8. Website

If you’re reading this, you’re already on the website. Look around at the various tabs, but most importantly, comment and talk trash. You should definitely subscribe to it so you can see when there is a new post. You should also have it notify you to responses to your comments so you can come return fire immediately.

9. Game on

It’s fucking football season! Yes! I can hardly contain it any longer!

 

 

2016 DL HB

The Degenerate League Presents: Football for Lowlifes: Part Quincy Jones
2016 Degenerate League Handbook
A Boner Jam

What follows is a series of rules and regulations to ensure we all have the best possible time making (and losing) fake bets to make (and lose) each other’s money. Most of the rules are the same, but there are a few tweaks (and new jokes) that had to be made. We don’t want anyone getting butthurt about perceived injustices, so we created this so you know what you’re getting into and what’s expected of you. You can always take solace in the fact that we don’t charge you bookie fees. Now read on to find out what rules the DL neophytes will unknowingly break this year*. [*Denotes an author’s note. This first one is as follows: Fucking noobs.] I don’t know about y’all, but I am feeling unhealthily excited. It’s almost as if I’ve been taking caffeine pills.

On to the rules.

1. Don’t be a dick.

This has been and ever shall be the most important of the rules. We are all friends, or at least friends of friends, so don’t be the asshole that takes something too far and makes everyone hate you. Feel free to talk shit on the website, bemoan a bad beat or someone’s bullshit win, and engage in all the Doran mockery you wish, but just don’t be a dick. Mainly I mean don’t take shit too seriously and meat out (like Doran).

 

We want to add that someone who is winning weeks betting a way you don’t like isn’t necessarily being a dick. If you think someone has found an advantage, feel free to emulate it. We decided early on that we would book bets Vegas would book, so if someone has found a way to beat Vegas, copy away.

One final note, if Shawn goes on a tirade, he’s most likely not being a dick because it won’t be serious. If you took it too seriously and got all pissy, you’d be being the dick for not having a sense of humor.

2. Payment

For the 2016 season, it is $100 for the season and $25/week for the 12-week season, which takes us through nearly all of the NCAA regular season. We stop just short because Thanksgiving week is a real bear to get everyone to turn shit in and have us good-for-nothing, lazy admins get shit done.

These need to be sent via Paypal to jcarr888@yahoo.com. I better reiterate this.

All payments and payouts will go to jcarr888@yahoo.com. Before the season and before the week, send your money there.

If you don’t have a Paypal account, get your fucking shit together. It’s 2016 for fuck’s sake. Register for one, then link it with your bank account so there are no fees. If you’re too lazy to take 30 seconds to link it to your bank account, you are responsible for the fees, because I sure as fuck know the Feez ain’t gonna be responsible for your fees. Does this asshole look like he can handle that shit? Feez can’t pay fees or he can’t afford Strawbs (thanks for reminding me of this, Lennon).

Feez

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The $100 has to be paid up front as a means of ensuring you don’t just quit the league after you suck balls for a few weeks. If you decide to quit, then you forfeit that $100 and have no chance of winning anything. Your $25 is also due before your weekly picks. Cowboy Carr has allowed us to circumvent the prospect of bums, so we don’t have to worry about this. Bottom line is, if you want in the league, it’s $100, and if you want a chance to win a week, it’s $25. If you miss a week, you can just go -$1,000 for the week (tying Feser and Bogus, co-founders and co-bottom feeders) and get back in the next week. But don’t do this. If you do this twice, you’ll just be out of the league.

You can also pay for the season up front. It may seem a bit daunting, but everyone gets in the money throughout the year (except for Bogus in 2013, a low I don’t think he will ever live down* [Thank the lord I won that sweet, sweet $40 that year.]), with some people making a decent amount and some losing a bit. We’re also adding an element to the league to give people an additional opportunity to win based on being consistent, which will be discussed in the below.

3. Available odds

A league week runs Thursday – Monday. This covers the good Thursday CFB game and MNF. (This league includes college and professional football lines.) Tuesday and Wednesday are administrative and settling up days – besides, if there are Tuesday and Wednesday games they usually blow (good luck guessing what will happen in the fucking MAC). We’ll have most all the odds for these games. This year, they’ll just be in the pick sheet we send out each week, though we’ll try to put them on the website, too.

4. Making picks

You will make hypothetical bets based on the odds in our pick sheet. Once you are comfortable with your shitty picks, you will email them as an attachment to degenerateleague@gmail.comThis email with your picks needs to be sent by Thursday at 5:00 pm if you want to bet the Thursday game. If you do not have action on the Thursday game, picks are due Friday at 1:00. Put this on your calendar. If you know you won’t be able to do it Thursday, get them in earlier. (We do reserve the right to extend this period with certain caveats.) This gives us time to update the website so everyone knows what’s going on. If your picks aren’t in on time, we reserve the right to refuse them, meaning you lose $1,000 for the week, plus the $25 you paid. The simple answer is to just get your picks in on time. I will be sending frequent reminders, so this shouldn’t be a problem. If you do forget one week, it’s okay, but don’t be a dick (rule numero uno assholes) and complain to us. You have received an incredible amount of warning.

Here are the parameters of possible hypothetical bets:

  • You will bet a hypothetical $1,000 per week, with a minimum bet of $50, maximum of $150. You math whizzes have probably figured out that this means you will make a minimum of 7 bets and a maximum of 20. Bogus was kind enough to make your spreadsheet inform you if you have incorrectly placed a bet and also inform you when you have reached $1,000 in bets.
  • Whereas in the past we would put odds on the website and expect everyone to go there, pick their favorites, and enter them correctly, this year we are taking that responsibility out of your hands. Because it was too fucking much for you jokers. Scanning the pick sheets for the inevitable fuckups was exhausting and soul crushing. So this year we will be sending a new pick sheet each week. That sheet will have everything already set for you. All you need to do is the following (I’ve added an image so you can see exactly what I’m talking about):
    • a. Choose the sport, NFL or CFB, using the drop-down menu in the far-left column (SPORT).
      b. Pick your game from the drop-down menu under the GAME column (you may have to scroll up on the drop-down to find them).
      c. Pick the type of play from the drop-down menu in the PLAY column (at this point it auto-populates your line and the odds)
      d. Enter your risk in the RISK column.
    • 2014 Sheet grab

 

And that’s it. Choose the SPORT, the GAME, the PLAY, the RISK, and you’re set. You can still type a “W” in the GRADE column to see what a bet pays. That shit even works for parlays. Every year Bogus has flicked his Excel wand and made magic happen, and this is the most intriguing advancement yet.

You’re welcome, asshats. Who would have guessed this D bag was a wizard?

Confused Bogus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In addition to magic to make your life easier, we’ll also have grading mostly automated, meaning results will be much quicker this year. The only downfall to these technological advancements is that we will no longer be allowing teasers and props. They just won’t work with this system, and they’re a fool’s errand anyway.

So, to summarize making picks: It’s now super easy, and no teasers are allowed.

5. The DL Tournament Part II: Revenge of the Pool Play

 

The point system we implemented last year was a solid idea and okay in practice, but we missed the tournament. The main reason the tournament didn’t accomplish everything we hoped it would was that you could be eliminated week 1 then not GAF about subsequent weeks. I think I’ve been able to solve that problem: pool play.

The number of pools and format will depend on how many many folks we end up with, and I’ll update this when it’s finalized. But the basica layout will be some pools then the top finishers after multiple weeks making a small tournament, which will determine the winners. We’ll do this twice.

6. Payouts

Season
$950
$750
$500
$300
$100
Weekly
$200
$125
$100
$75
$50
Pool-Play Tournaments (2)
$300
$200
$100

7. Ties

I don’t think we’ve ever had one that mattered, but since I typed all this sweet stuff last year, I’ll throw it down again.

  • In the event of a tie, the first bet off of each player’s sheet will be used as a tiebreaker. Whoever did better on the first bet of the sheet wins the tiebreaker. If that is a tie, the second, and so on.
  • In the event that all of the bets are exactly the same we will go to season total, with the leader winning the tie break. If it happens in week one or if the season totals are the same, we will put on a steel cage death match, during which the rest of our league degenerates can place bets on who dies and drink Grain Belts, making for much merriment. JK guys, we won’t have death matches. If every fucking bet has the same result we’ll flip a coin or something. I changed the maximum bet to $150 to ensure more variance in bets, so I don’t foresee a problem here.
  • But since this is the handbook, if all the bets have the same result, in order, with the same season total, we will have another tiebreaker, agreed on by both parties, that is random.
  • For season ties (which I have to believe won’t happen, but you never know), we will go back to the first bet of week one and work through the whole year. If your bets for the whole season were the same, the world will probably end (but we’ll still do something random as a tiebreak).

The tie breakout for the points system is different and separate from those mentioned above. For the sake of the spreadsheet being able to calculate it easily, ties will split the total points for their places. So if there are 30 guys, and 3 bros tie for second, the average of 29, 28, and 27 (2nd, 3rd, and 4th place point totals, respectively) will be given to each. So in this case, each guy would get 28 (plus 5 for 33, if they’re positive).

8. Website

If you’re reading this, you’re already on the website. Look around at the various tabs, but most importantly, comment and talk trash. You should definitely subscribe to it so you can see when there is a new post. You should also have it notify you to responses to your comments so you can come return fire immediately.

9. Game on

It’s fucking football season! Yes! I can hardly contain it any longer!

 

The Degenerate League Presents: Football for Lowlifes: Part Quadrey “The Missile” Ismail
2015 Degenerate League Handbook
A Boner Jam

What follows is a series of rules and regulations to ensure we all have the best possible time making (and losing) fake bets to make (and lose) each other’s money. Most of the rules are the same, but there are a few tweaks (and new jokes) that had to be made. We don’t want anyone getting butthurt about perceived injustices, so we create this so you know what you’re getting into and what’s expected of you. You can always take solace in the fact that we don’t charge you bookie fees. Now read on to find out what rules the DL neophytes will unknowingly break this year*. [*Denotes an author’s note. This first one is as follows: Fucking noobs.] I don’t know about y’all, but I am feeling unhealthily excited. It’s almost as if I’ve been taking caffeine pills.

On to the rules.

1. Don’t be a dick.

This has been and ever shall be the most important of the rules. We are all friends, or at least friends of friends, so don’t be the asshole that takes something too far and makes everyone hate you. Feel free to talk shit on the website, bemoan a bad beat or someone’s bullshit win, and engage in all the Doran mockery you wish, but just don’t be a dick. Mainly I mean don’t take shit too seriously and meat out (like Doran).

 

We want to add that someone who is winning weeks betting a way you don’t like isn’t necessarily being a dick. If you think someone has found an advantage, feel free to emulate it. We decided early on that we would book bets Vegas would book, so if someone has found a way to beat Vegas, copy away.

One final note, if Shawn goes on a tirade, he’s most likely not being a dick because it won’t be serious. If you took it too seriously and got all pissy, you’d be being the dick for not having a sense of humor.

2. Payment

For the 2015 season, it is $100 for the season and $25/week for the 12-week season, which takes us through nearly all of the NCAA regular season. We stop just short because Thanksgiving week is a real bear to get everyone to turn shit in and have us good-for-nothing, lazy admins get shit done.

These need to be sent via Paypal to jcarr888@yahoo.com. I better reiterate this.

All payments and payouts will go to jcarr888@yahoo.com. Before the season and before the week, send your money there.

If you don’t have a Paypal account, get your fucking shit together. It’s 2015 for fuck’s sake. Register for one, then link it with your bank account so there are no fees. If you’re too lazy to take 30 seconds to link it to your bank account, you are responsible for the fees, because I sure as fuck know the Feez ain’t gonna be responsible for your fees. Does this asshole look like he can handle that shit? Feez can’t pay fees or he can’t afford Strawbs (thanks for reminding me of this, Lennon).


The $100 has to be paid up front as a means of ensuring you don’t just quit the league after you suck balls for a few weeks. If you decide to quit, then you forfeit that $100 and have no chance of winning anything. Your $25 is also due before your weekly picks. Cowboy Carr has allowed us to circumvent the prospect of bums, so we don’t have to worry about this. Bottom line is, if you want in the league, it’s $100, and if you want a chance to win a week, it’s $25. If you miss a week, you can just go -$1,000 for the week (tying Feser and Bogus, co-founders and co-bottom feeders) and get back in the next week. But don’t do this. If you do this twice, you’ll just be out of the league.

You can also pay for the season up front. It may seem a bit daunting, but everyone gets in the money throughout the year (except for Bogus in 2013, a low I don’t think he will ever live down* [Thank the lord I won that sweet, sweet $40 that year.]), with some people making a decent amount and some losing a bit. We’re also adding an element to the league to give people an additional opportunity to win based on being consistent, which will be discussed in the below.

3. Available odds

A league week runs Thursday – Monday. This covers the good Thursday CFB game and MNF. (This league includes college and professional football lines.) Tuesday and Wednesday are administrative and settling up days – besides, if there are Tuesday and Wednesday games they usually blow (good luck guessing what will happen in the fucking MAC). We’ll have most all the odds for these games. This year, they’ll just be in the pick sheet we send out each week, though we’ll try to put them on the website, too.

4. Making picks

You will make hypothetical bets based on the odds in our pick sheet. Once you are comfortable with your shitty picks, you will email them as an attachment to degenerateleague@gmail.com. This email with your picks needs to be sent by Thursday at 5:00 pm if you want to bet the Thursday game. If you do not have action on the Thursday game, picks are due Friday at 1:00. Put this on your calendar. If you know you won’t be able to do it Thursday, get them in earlier. (We do reserve the right to extend this period with certain caveats.) This gives us time to update the website so everyone knows what’s going on. If your picks aren’t in on time, we reserve the right to refuse them, meaning you lose $1,000 for the week, plus the $25 you paid. The simple answer is to just get your picks in on time. I will be sending frequent reminders, so this shouldn’t be a problem. If you do forget one week, it’s okay, but don’t be a dick (rule numero uno assholes) and complain to us. You have received an incredible amount of warning.

Here are the parameters of possible hypothetical bets:

  • You will bet a hypothetical $1,000 per week, with a minimum bet of $50, maximum of $150. You math whizzes have probably figured out that this means you will make a minimum of 7 bets and a maximum of 20. Bogus was kind enough to make your spreadsheet inform you if you have incorrectly placed a bet and also inform you when you have reached $1,000 in bets.
  • Whereas in the past we would put odds on the website and expect everyone to go there, pick their favorites, and enter them correctly, this year we are taking that responsibility out of your hands. Because it was too fucking much for you jokers. Scanning the pick sheets for the inevitable fuckups was exhausting and soul crushing. So this year we will be sending a new pick sheet each week. That sheet will have everything already set for you. All you need to do is the following (I’ve added an image so you can see exactly what I’m talking about):
    • a. Choose the sport, NFL or CFB, using the drop-down menu in the far-left column (SPORT).
      b. Pick your game from the drop-down menu under the GAME column (you may have to scroll up on the drop-down to find them).
      c. Pick the type of play from the drop-down menu in the PLAY column (at this point it auto-populates your line and the odds)
      d. Enter your risk in the RISK column.
    • 2014 Sheet grab

And that’s it. Choose the SPORT, the GAME, the PLAY, the RISK, and you’re set. You can still type a “W” in the GRADE column to see what a bet pays. That shit even works for parlays. Every year Bogus has flicked his Excel wand and made magic happen, and this is the most intriguing advancement yet.

You’re welcome, asshats. Who would have guessed this D bag was a wizard?

Confused Bogus

D Bag Bogus

In addition to magic to make your life easier, we’ll also have grading mostly automated, meaning results will be much quicker this year. The only downfall to these technological advancements is that we will no longer be allowing teasers and props. They just won’t work with this system, and they’re a fool’s errand anyway.

So, to summarize making picks: It’s now super easy, and no teasers are allowed.

5. The DL Point System

Last year we added head-to-head, single-elimination tournaments, and they are pretty boss. But they didn’t really accomplish what we wanted them to, which is rewarding people for having consistently solid weeks. We have devised something we think will do that. It may not change much, or it may. Either way, we’re into it, so you better be, too, or you can

Onto the system.

Each week, you will receive an amount of points based on where you finish in relation to the rest of the league. There are 31 guys in the league and if you get first, you receive 31 points. Second 30, 3rd 29, etc. etc. That will go all the way down to last. If you finish the week -$1,000, will receive a 5 point penalty.  Conversely, anyone that finishes the week with a positive number (greater than zero) will receive a 5-point bonus. So we have 31 guys and you finish 10th with a total of $0.01, you will receive 22 points for your place and 5 points for being positive, giving you a total of 27 for the week. (Ties for the point system addressed in the Ties section below, with the exception of those going -$1,000. The cumulative places (1, 2, 3, etc. depending on how many people finish -$1,000) will be averaged then the penalty applied.)

To reiterate:

  • You receive points based on your place for the week
  • You receive 5 bonus points for finishing in the green
  • You receive a penalty -5 points if you finish a week -$1,000

What’s at stake, you ask? Half the season payout.

What’s the reason, you ask? Say someone is in the bottom half almost every week, then they up and hit $20,000 in parlays the last week. Awesome for them, and you can still do that, but we just think the season payout should also reward consistency. Say you’re in the top 7-15 most weeks and finish in the green almost every week. You won’t get in the weekly money very much for that, and if the guys at the top of the season money total are way ahead because of a few parlay-crazy weeks, you may also be in a tough spot for the season payout. Not anymore, my friend. A solid season like that should definitely put you in contention for the points payout.

Most likely there will be a bunch of overlap between the points and dollars season payouts, but it should still make it more interesting toward the end.

6. Payouts

Weekly:
$200
$150
$125
$100
$75
$50
Season Cash Total:
$600
$500
$400
$250
$150
$100
Season Point Total:
$600
$500
$400
$250
$150
$100

7. Ties

I don’t think we’ve ever had one that mattered, but since I typed all this sweet stuff last year, I’ll throw it down again.

  • In the event of a tie, the first bet off of each player’s sheet will be used as a tiebreaker. Whoever did better on the first bet of the sheet wins the tiebreaker. If that is a tie, the second, and so on.
  • In the event that all of the bets are exactly the same we will go to season total, with the leader winning the tie break. If it happens in week one or if the season totals are the same, we will put on a steel cage death match, during which the rest of our league degenerates can place bets on who dies and drink Grain Belts, making for much merriment. JK guys, we won’t have death matches. If every fucking bet has the same result we’ll flip a coin or something. I changed the maximum bet to $150 to ensure more variance in bets, so I don’t foresee a problem here.
  • But since this is the handbook, if all the bets have the same result, in order, with the same season total, we will have another tiebreaker, agreed on by both parties, that is random.
  • For season ties (which I have to believe won’t happen, but you never know), we will go back to the first bet of week one and work through the whole year. If your bets for the whole season were the same, the world will probably end (but we’ll still do something random as a tiebreak).

The tie breakout for the points system is different and separate from those mentioned above. For the sake of the spreadsheet being able to calculate it easily, ties will split the total points for their places. So if there are 30 guys, and 3 bros tie for second, the average of 29, 28, and 27 (2nd, 3rd, and 4th place point totals, respectively) will be given to each. So in this case, each guy would get 28 (plus 5 for 33, if they’re positive).

8. Website

If you’re reading this, you’re already on the website. Look around at the various tabs, but most importantly, comment and talk trash. You should definitely subscribe to it so you can see when there is a new post. You should also have it notify you to responses to your comments so you can come return fire immediately.

9. Game on

It’s fucking football season! Yes! I can hardly contain it any longer!

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